If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
