ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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