Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
