he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
