I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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