I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
