Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
