Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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