omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
