her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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