If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize