at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
