we have pet lesbian snakes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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