were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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