Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
