My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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