The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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