saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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