you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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