Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize