Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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