The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
