I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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