i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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