i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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