Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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