you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
