i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
