I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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