I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
