Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize