guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
