The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize