It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
