Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
