So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
