Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
