Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
