This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
