Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When are your genitals available?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
