After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
