i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
