finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
