My liver just broke up with me...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He did a backflip because drugs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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