i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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