found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
