that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
