Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize