Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
