I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
