he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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