Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize