I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
