Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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