Non-Jews are for practice
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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