I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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