For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
