That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
