Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
