We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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