I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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