is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
