Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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